Wife refuses to give up her bed for mother-in-law during her visits, offers her an air mattress in the living room instead, husband puts his foot down: ‘It's selfish not to give her our bed’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 21, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Give someone a finger, and they'll take the whole hand–that is what we usually say to warn others about people who take advantage of those around them. 

Usually, we find ourselves dealing with people who take our whole hand within our family. Mothers-in-law, for example, tend to take a lot more than they are offered, which might just be the case in the story below, and that is exactly what her daughter-in-law is trying to avoid.

After this mother-in-law went through an unpleasant divorce, she felt like she wanted to be close to her son and DIL. The problem is, she lives far and doesn't drive, so every trip must become an overnight stay. Her son and his wife don't have a guest room, and the only thing they can offer the MIL is a sofa bed or an air mattress, neither a good option for a woman in her 70s. 

Her son thinks the best option would be to give his mom their bed while she stays over, but his wife knows that this might lead to a finger vs. a whole hand situation, and she is hesitant to agree.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to give up our only bedroom for my mother in law to stay?

    My husband's parents separated 6 weeks ago - dad left mum for someone else. Obviously she is very upset about it and we have been supporting her as much as we can.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10543540992
    via Zinkevych

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 03
    She is in her 70s, lives 1.5 hours away and has never driven, so getting her to come to us has always been dependent on her and her husband travelling together.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 04
    As husband and I are starting work again soon, we are wanting to encourage her to come to us more often by public transport, and her staying over would make things easier.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 05
    Our house is small. We have one bedroom and no sofa bed. We suggested to her that we could swap our sofa in the living room for a sofa bed so that she could spend more time here.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 06
    She was hesitant, so we suggested that we have a really good double air mattress that she could stay on in the living room, but again she was hesitant.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 07
    She is healthy and fit, so there are no medical reasons why she couldn't sleep on it.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 08
    My husband has now asked me whether we could give up our bed and bedroom for her when she stays and we sleep on the air mattress.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 09
    He said it'll only be once or twice. AITA for saying that I don't feel we should?
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 10
    Though I do understand that it isn't ideal to sleep in the living room, we have offered her two solutions.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 11
    I feel like we should do what we can to support, but should also have our own boundaries. He is disappointed and thinks it's selfish not to give her our bed.
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 12
    EDIT: MIL has said she wishes she were able to stay with us occasionally. While it would be beneficial for all if she were to stay here sometimes and us sometimes with her, we aren't pressuring her to stay with us!
    via Ok_Asparagus7214
  • 13
    Luxury Guest Bedroom in Vintage Scandi Styled Home
    via Jodie Johnson

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    Lucky_Volume3819 NTA. That's crazy. He said it'll only be once or twice. LOL yeah, famous last words. If she's the kind of person
    via Lucky_Volume3819
  • 15
    that would put out her hosts by taking their bed, it will absolutely not just be one or two times. I wouldn't gamble on this outcome. Sounds like she needs to stay in a hotel.
    via Lucky_Volume3819
  • 16
    PiquePole Sometimes dependent women, when the support of their husband is taken away, will turn to their sons for the kind of support a husband would give. Some old-
    via PiquePole
  • 17
    fashioned women want to transfer the old-timey responsibilities of a husband to that son. It is important for both the son and his mate to set up boundaries to keep that from happening.
    via PiquePole
  • 18
    WhizGidget First it's the bed once a month. Then it's the bed every weekend. Then she moves in. Stop all of this now. It's your house too. You need to have a
    via WhizGidget
  • 19
    significant discussion with your husband, and maybe some planning - your MIL could benefit from living in a retirement or senior living
    via WhizGidget
  • 20
    community and it can even be nearby (where she can visit you and then go back to her own bed) NTA
    via WhizGidget
  • 21
    Lazy_Age_9466 Do what you want. But being healthy and fit in your seventies does not mean your back and joints are okay with sleeping on an air mattress or sofa bed. I
    via Lazy_Age_9466
  • 22
    am in my early sixties and even sleeping on a cop mattress makes my back ache the next day.
    via Lazy_Age_9466
  • 23
    2dogslife There are futons and daybeds that are actually beds as well as working as couches. I would absolutely NOT sleep on an air mattress for an inlaw.
    via 2dogslife
  • 24
    It's your house and your bed. NTA This is a husband issue if he thinks it's OK.
    via 2dogslife

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